The Authoresses of Seville

Here is a parody I adopted from Jessy that stars her and my other best friend, Starzilla in a parody of the 12^th greatest cartoon, “The Rabbit of Seville.” Thre will be a little plot twist, but just laugh as you watch my friends take down Jack O' Lanturn and Psy-Crow in this opera parody. I don't own Earthworm Jim, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Van Helsing, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, etc. Jessy is Subuku No Jess's OC and Starzilla is Starz's OC

Summary: Jessy and Starz flee from Jack O'Lantern and Psy-Crow to the backstage of the Hollywood Bowl where not only is the opera “The Barber of Seville” playing, but the five judges are there. Jessy and Starz then give the two stalkers a grooming they'll never forget!

The Authoresses of Seville

It is nightime and we see a sign outside of a grand outdoor theatre called the Hollywood Bowl that says, “Summer Opera Tonight: The Barber of Seville with Danny Fenton, Jake Long and Ash Ketcum.” Everyone was at the theatre, including five people in each of the front seats close to the stage. The first was a eartworm with big eyes and wearing a white/blue spaceship; he's Earthworm Jim.

The second was a sand colored dog with a teal jacket and black pants; he's Peter Puppy.

The third was a 31 year old man with a black leather duster, sand colored hair, a black hat and boots; he's Gabriel Van Helsing.

The fourth was a pale man with fangs, a black shirt, cape, pants and shoes and raven hair in a poinytail; he was Dracula.

The final and fifth was a giant green burplack sack of bugs with eyes and a mouth and he wore a tuxedo for the night and a giant golden crown with rubies on his head; he's Oogie Boogie. Oogie, Jim, Peter, Van Helsing and Dracula were the judges of the show.

“I hope it's good.” Dracula said.

“I hope so.” Van Helsing said.

“Yeah.” Peter said, “I wish this was a comedy, not an opera.”

“Shh. The show's about to start.” Jim shushed his sidekick as the orchestra began to play. Unbeknownst to the judges and the audience(but knownst to the readers), outside the stage, we hear lazer shooting from far away! Out of the woods ran two girls. The first one was a 17 year old girl with black hair, brown eyes, and she wore a red baseball cap and jeans, a black T-shirt under a purple jacket, and green sneakers; she's Subuku No Jess aka Jessy for short.

The second was a 16 year old with a pink polo with star insigna, a white tanktop, pink flipflops and blue jeans; she's Starzilla or Starz for short, Jessy's other friend besides Detective88 aka Raina.

“We gotta hide somewhere, Jessy. That dirty crow and pumpkin headed freak are after us again.” Starz said.

“In here!” Jessy said, pointing to the green door saying, “Stage Entrance.” They ran in and shut door. Inside, the girls were panting, they looked and said “Uh-oh!” and hid behind the door when two figures came in.

The first was a man with a white blouse with buttons, blue pants and a hat with a red feather on it, purple shoes and a pumpkin for a head; he was Jack O' Lantern.

The second was a black humanoid crow with white eyes, bushy eyebrows, and he wore a yellow space suit with red cuffs, no sleeves and a blue jetpack on the back; he was Psycotic Crow or Psy-Crow for short.

“Okay, girlies, I know you're in here!” Psy-Crow said.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are!” Jack added. They ran deeper inside, unknowingly heading right to the stage. Starz and Jessy looked and sighed of relief. They went to the controls and Starz used her finger to press the curtain button on.

The curtains went up and Jim, Peter, VH, Dracula and Oogie looked and smiled, “Show time!”

The conductor, Dewey Largo, was surprised, but shrugged and started conducting. Jack and Psy-Crow turn around and were in for a big surprise: They on stage and in the show! They then notice the judges as Psy-Crow said, “Look, there's my nemesis Earthworm Jim and his friend Peter Puppy.”

“Yeah, and those are my enemies from Starzilla's Eartworm Helsing story!” Jack said, pointint to Van Helsing and Dracula.

Starz went out of the barber shop, dressed like a barber and said to the audience and the readers, “Which you can read.”

“But who's the last judge?” Psy-Crow asks. Jack saw Oogie and smiled happily before saying slowly and frightened, “It's King Pulsating Bloated, Festering, Sweaty, Bug-Filled, Malformed Oogie Boogie...” Then Psy-Crow and Jack yelled, “AS A GIANT?”

Oogie shrugged and said, “It's a living.”

The two villains and Starz looked at Oogie, then at Jessy now dressed like a barber. “Oh NO!” They say.

Jessy then starts to go into her hyperstate as she and Starz start to sing.

Jessy and Starz: How do?

Welcome to our shop

Let us cut your mop

Let us shave your crop

Daintily, daintily...

They notice Jack and Psy-Crow and grabbed them and took them inside.

Hey you!

Don't look so perplexed

Why must you be vexed?

Can't you see you're next?

Yes, you're next!

You're so next!

After they put the cloths around Jack and Psy-Crow's necks. Jessy crazily scooped shaving cream into a cup, then blended it like an ice cream soda.

Jessy: How about a nice close shave?

Teach your whiskers to behave

Lots of lather, lots of soap

Please hold still, don't be dopes

Now we're ready for the scraping

She gave the cup to Starz who put it on Psy-Crow after putting some on Jack.

There's no use to try escaping

Yell and scream and rant and rave

It's no use, you two need a shave!

The two girls grabbed some razors and offscreen, but much to the judge's laughter, the audience could hear Jack and Psy-Crow's screams. Starz then takes out a mirror and shows them their reflections though, she and Jessy cringe at the sight.

Starz: There, you're nice and clean

Although your faces look as if they might have gone through a machine

“I don't know about you, but this show is funny so far!” Peter said, laughing.

“So far, I'm giving it a 8/10.” Dracula said, making a scoreboard.

Onstage, Jack and Psy-Crow, who got cut thanks to the razors, got out their lazers and went back into the barber shop as they sang, ready to get revenge on the girls.

Jack and Psy-Crow: Ooh, wait 'till those authoresses

They stop and see Starz, who had her hair in a bun and a rose in her hair, and wearing a pink and silver short Spanish dress with ruffles and silver shoes and Jessy who wore red Spanish dress with four ruffles and long sleeves and drool, not knowing that it's them in disguise as Jessy and Starz sang.

Jessy and Starz: What would you want with two authoresses

Can't you see that we're much sweeter

We're your little senoritas

As Jack and Psy-Crow blush, Starz and Jessy tied their lazer guns in a knot and got out some scissors.

You are our types of guys

Let us straighten your ties

And we shall dance for you

They did a little dance and they cut part of Jack and Psy-Crow's pants. They did it again before dancing off. Jack and Psy-Crow notice this and pulled them up, turning red.

“Sorry, folks.” Jack said, embarresed. He then said to Psy-Crow. “Reconize those girls?”

“Nope, except for that baseball cap and the star over her eye.” Psy-Crow said noticing Jessy's cap and Starz's tatoo. Both girls realize this and gasped, “Oh no!”

“You're dead meat!” Psy-Crow said. However, their lazer guns since they were still tied, shot them back into the chairs.

“Didn't see that coming.” Jack said to the audience. “We need help.”

However, Jessy and Starz came back, now in their barber attires and holding two bottles. Jessy starts pouring the liquid onto Jack's head while Starz does it to Psy-Crow's before rubbing them with their fingers then standing up on them, rubbing on them with their toes. They dusted it off, before jumping off their heads and Jessy grabbed some whip cream and making a crown of it on Jack's head.

“Catch.” She said, crazily to Starz because she is still in her hyperstate because of the judges who are still laughing and marking the show from an 8 to a 9. Starz caught the whip cream and made a crown on Psy-Crow's head.

Jessy then started to put fruit and vegatables making Jack's stem look like a fruit salad and pours the whip cream on it again with a cherry on top while Starz had just finished making Psy-Crow's feathery scalp an ice cream sundae.

Psy-Crow tasted the ice cream on his head and said, “Mm, vanilla.” as Jack eats a banana from his head.

“Those girls should do this more often.” Jim said to the other judges.

On stage, Starz and Jessy showed the villains the mirror. “All done.” Jessy said. “What do you think?”

“It's tasty, it's stupendous, it's-” Jack began before he and Psy-Crow realized their trick. “Why you little-”

They ran offscreen and Jessy and Starz gasp in shock and ran off screaming, “Bye-bye!”

Psy-Crow and Jack(who got his hat back on) ran after the girls raising the razors at them angrilly. “You are going to pay for that!” Jack yelled at them.

Peter is starting to become scared, but Jim tickled him to calm him down so he won't turn into a monster.

Jessy, now wearing a red Arabian top with pants and green shoes with her baseball cap on and Starz, now wearing a pink Arabian top with pants and silver shoes were playing the clarinet and the oboe, doing a snake dance, making an electronic razor “dance” out of the basket.

Jack and Psy-Crow gasped and said to the audience, “Oh great, now this! What else can happen to us? Bombs?” They scream and run away with the razor stinging them in the butts. The razor started to sting them like crazy making everyone including Jim, Dracula, Peter, Van Helsing and Oogie laugh.

“9 and ½ out of 10 so far.” Oogie said.

“Help!” Jack and Psy-Crow cried as they got chased by the razors again while Jessy and Starz played the Snake Dance. Suddenly the girls turned and gasped when they saw Jack and Psy-Crow shoot/desinagrate the electronic razor.

Staz and Jessy ran until they reached two high-chairs and pushed the lever up. “Those girls are ours! Soon they'll give us the key to lead me to the authoress who's writing this parody.” Psy-Crow said.

Jack and Psy-Crow got on high-chairs and pushed the lever up, going up faster than the girls. Luckily the girls dodged their lazer fires and cut the sandbags making them fall down on the villains, making their chairs spin around until they reach the ground. The villains then got up saying, crazily, “Mommy, we see stars.”

“Where is that girl who's writing this cause she's hot.” Psy-Crow said, dizzily.

Jim snickered and said, “That Psy-Crow. He's just as stupid as a walnut.”

Starz and Jessy slid down the pole like a fire pole and grabbed Psy-Crow and Jack and made them sit up. Starz put Jack's hat back on his head and Jessy dusted him and Psy-Crow off.

“Here's the tip.” Jack said, dizzily, handing the girls two coins.

“Goodbye.” Jessy said, crazily as she and Starz made the pumpkin headed zombie and the crow villain out the rotating door making the villains more dizzy. Starz and Jessy waltz them back to their chairs and laid them down.

Jessy crazily grabbed a cloth and started to rub Jack's pumpkin head while Starz ran offscreen and came back with a little table, a bowl of water. She cut off part of Psy-Crow's boot, cliped and filed his feathery toenails and painted them with red paint.

As she put up a sign saying, “Wet Paint.”, the judges and the audience started laughing, very hard. On stage, Starz and Jessy grabbed a green bottle that said, “Hair Restorer” and poured it all over zjack and Psy-Crow's heads with Jessy still smiling crazily because she was still in her hyperstate. Starz tried to calm her down, but it was no use now.

The girls ran offscreen as Jack grew a green stemmy beard while Psy-Crow grew a blonde beard. Starz and Jessy came back with little lawnmowers and mowed the villains' beards off before pouring quick-dry beauty clay on their heads and made it look like a brick.

Jessy put a “Keep Off” sign on the blocks, before she got out a chisle and broke them off and dusted the dust off the villains' heads.

“Those girls really brought the house down.” Oogie commented.

“I agree.” Dracula said.

Meanwhile, Starz grabbed a bottle of hair tonic and poured some on Jack and Psy-Crow's heads while Jessy took out a bottle called “Figaro Fertalizer” and poured it onto their heads. They drummed their fingers to the tune of the music and Jessy tapped their heads with her baseball cap before the girls took out a mirror.

Psy-Crow and Jack woke up and looked into the mirror, but unknown to them, flowers started to grow from Jack's head while Psy-Crow's was growing grass. The two notice and scream like little girls.

“You're dead meat!” Psy-Crow growled. They ran offscreen and grabbed two axes making the girls scream and run away.

As they ran, Psy-Crow and Jack halted and ran because Starz and Jessy chased after them with bigger axes. The girls then stopped and ran because Jack and Psy-Crow held up two guns, but they ran off because the girls got two guns. This contiued on until when Psy-Crow and Jack got out a larger cannon. Jessy and Starz offered them a bouquet of flowers, chocolates and two rings. Starz groaned when Jack and Psy-Crow ran back wearing tuxedos. Jessy dragged Starz and came back both wearing wedding gowns as a judge, Reverend Lovejoy conducted the ceremony.

Finally, Starz and Jessy grab their “grooms” and run upstairs to the door. “I already got a date.” Jessy said, crazily.

“Bye-bye.” Starz said as she and Jessy dropped Psy-Crow and Jack out the door until they landed in a giant cake saying “The marriage of Figaro” on it.

“Was that really nessasary?” Starz asked Jessy. “I mean we do have boyfriends like Aaron and Riku.”

“Yeah, but I just wanted to see them get their just desserts.” Jessy said.

There was a moment of silence until the audience applauded like wild. Jim, Oogie, Peter, Dracula and Van Helsing held up “10” cards. Jessy then started to go into her super hyper-state.

“Groovy!” Jim said, giving a thumbs up. “You girls have brought the house down.”

Jessy and Starz smiled and Jessy crazily made the cake look nice. She then gave it to the judges, saying, “You want some cake?”

“Sure!” Jim, Peter, Van Helsing and Dracula smile and they take a slice. Jessy then grabbed the rest of the cake(where Psy-Crow and Jack are in) and gave it to Oogie. “You can have the rest, your majesty.” she said in a crazily-seductive voice.

“Oh brother.” Starz rolled her eyes.

Psy-Crow and Jack panic inside the cake while Oogie smirked evilly.

“Boss, don't you dare!” Jack protests.

“You don't want to eat us! Eat the authoress who's writing it. I mean she's hot and speaks Spanish, but she's friends with these two.” Psy-Crow agreed, pointing to Starz and Jessy.

“Sorry.” Oogie said evilly.

“Mother.” Psy-Crow squeaked.

Starz and Jessy watch as Oogie eats the cake, Jack and Psy-Crow offscreen as the villains scream. Jessy goes really hyper and jumps around the stage happily as Starz, Jim, Dracula, Van Helsing, and Peter watch. Jessy then calmed down and said, “Next.

“Here we go again.” Starz groaned.

Starz and Jessy sit at the judges table, but Starz wore a female version of Earthworm Jim's supersuit while Jessy wore Othello's tuxedo and Oogie's crown. The girls wave to the readers saying, “That's all folks!” ending the cartoon.

The End

I hoped you love this short parody. This is a gift for my two best friends, Starzilla aka Starz and Subuku No Jess aka Jessy. Read and review. No flames.